Back to Work
Well as of now I have 1 week before I have to go back to work. I am not looking forward to it, and hate it even more now than I did when I left. Mainly because I know I have to work to be able to live, but that this job is keeping me from the most important thing in my life, ETHAN.He is growing up so fast, and I don't want to miss any of it. I feel that me being gone 40+ hours of the week I am going to miss so much of his life. I love spending every day with him and watching him discover the world. It seems like every week something is new and interesting and he gains more muscle control, makes new sounds.. what if I miss him when he first starts crawling......I would be very dissapointed.

I'm having even more issues because it seems the older Ethan gets the harder it is to babysit him. The last two times my mom babysat he had fits and wouldn't eat. He would get himself so worked up and tired he would cry until he wore himself out and fell asleep and then would wake up again and start crying. The first time there was nothing I could do I was at the Dentist. Today Mikie and I were at the sharks game w/Lawrence, Jer, Greg and Monica and had to leave at the end of the second period, because my parents could not calm him down. I am supposed to go to Vegas in October to see Ave q, I am only going to be gone 1 night, not even 24hrs, but now I am having second thoughts, maybe he is to young for me to be gone this early. Mikie told me to wait and see how he is in Oct, but I think I have made up my mind. I guess I should wait and see, maybe after staying home with Mikie and not having me around for a while he will get used to it....HOWEVER its so nice when he is upset and he sees me and he all of the sudden starts smiling and then leans towards me. He knows I am here for him and he trusts me.

Motherhood is the best thing in the world, I want it to be my full time job, maybe someday in the future I will get my dream....but probably not, since it costs so much to live here and we aren't willing to move.